Age gap in relationships - What to look for to make it work.


It is quite often that the topic of age difference comes on the table.


Sometimes he is 5, 10 years (or more) older than her.


And other times it is the opposite.


As per the social norm, most people are aiming for a similar age as themselves when looking for a partner.


But in the end, does it really matters? And when we talk about age difference, what are we really talking about?


You see, I consider 3 different types of age:

  • our age as per our birth certificate, which determines how long we’ve been on this earth,

  • our biological age, defined by our physiology. It is more or less how old we “feel”,

  • and the age we have in our mind, such as maturity, which by the way, have nothing to do with how old you are, but rather with the different events that shape your life experience.


So, when we talk about age difference in relationships, I believe that those 3 layers should be addressed.


If we consider our biological age: It comes into play for example when we are looking to have children. Indeed, the younger we are, the easiest it will be to manage parenting on the long run.


Now, if we consider our age defined by our birth certificate, we often realise that lots of beliefs are attached with age. Here are few that come up often:


“From 50, lots of health problems start to occur.”

“In your forties you’ll hit mid-life crises.”

“60 is the new 40.”

“You’re still a baby in your twenties.”



Via social conditioning, we tend to believe that a number is often associated with a certain state of mind.

Sometimes it is true, but not always.

As everyone is experiencing life under a unique lens, everyone experience a different degree of maturity that is not necessarily correlated with their age.


Indeed, I have met people in their twenties, more mature than some people in their forties. I have met very young souls at heart, despite their advanced age, and very young people feeling and behaving like old men or women. When it comes to maturity of the mind, youth of the heart and body age, all the combinations are possible.


So, The true question you may ask yourself, when it comes to age difference is:

  • how old do I feel IN MY BODY

  • how old do I feel IN MY MIND

  • Where do I stand on the scale of time if I am considering parenting.

More than just numbers, you may want to assess your 3 ages, and see, according to that, how you and your partner match. You may then bring light on some differences you haven’t consider before.


More than a number, age is, before anything else, an estimate of how you feel inside, in your body and in your mind. And when we consider age difference under the lens of those 3 axis, it allows us to expend our point of view and appreciate those differences with more clarity and a more objectivity.

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