A break up is NOT a FAILURE

Updated: Apr 28, 2020

Depending where you are in the world and depending which culture you belong to, marriage can be more or less a big part of your identity. Marriage (or committed relationship) gives us a sense of belonging, social status and recognition.

And if, unfortunately, life leads us to a divorce or a separation, we tend to be looked down by ourself and others as a failure, as shame and we tend to be looked down as socially dysfunctional.

Today I want to address a mindset and a brain conditioning that is NOT serving us. I want to point out a weed we need to pull out from our brain.

If you are at a turning point in your life and are going through a separation, know that you are not a failure.

You are a STUDENT.

You had a learning experience. And, as a student of life, you are gathering the lessons to carry with you in order to evolve and grow.

A break up is NOT a failure.


And here are few point we should all keep in mind before we judge others or if others are judging you under such circumstances:

  • We know when we start a story. But we never know how and when the story is going to end. We write the script AS WE GO.

  • There is in fact a big gap between the reality of life, especially today, and all the fantasies and ideals carried by media, movies, culture, etc. And it is precisely this MISMATCH that brings up the label of failure when a separation occurs.

  • Longevity is not the ultimate marker of a successful relationship. You can be with someone for decades and be completely dead inside. And you may have a short term relationship that allowed you to grow in an incredible way. We need to redefine in a broader way what we classify as successful relationship.

  • Last but not least: you can not change what others think about you. But you can work on how you think and feel about yourself.

To sum it up, know that whatever life throws at you, NO ONE gets it perfectly. All you can do is do your best and learn along the way.

At some point you WILL make mistakes.

Sometimes you WILL take the wrong decision.

You WILL screw up at some point!!

It is all part of the learning journey. It is all part of being human and being enrolled in the school of life.

Our relationships through our life constitute the best teachers our soul is seeking.

Embrace them. And know that each journey, each story will bring you pieces of wisdom that will help you grow and evolve into the fabulous human being you are seeking to be.

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